Let’s start right there. I don’t do it all. No one does it all and I wouldn’t want to. Remember my post about Finding the Quality YES? I talked about how saying yes to one thing is actually saying no to a million other things. I’m sitting on my deck writing this for you while I watch my kids run around and play in the grass. I’m not an archeologist on a dig in Tanzania right now. I don’t want it all. I want to invest myself in the few consciously chosen intentions that we have designed our lives around.
It’s better to do 5 intentional things amazingly well and with joy than 20 obligatory things half ass.
What are your priorities?
Doing the work of setting your priorities sets your compass. These are the yeses that free you to say no to everything else, holding space for what is most important for being the person and living the life you desire and your children need to thrive.
In this season of our journey, these are my priorities. We spend our resources (like time and energy) in ways that nurture these priorities, always stepping toward them.
- Family (connection with each other)
- Adventure (experiences and travel)
- Personal Growth (self-care and self-driven learning)
- Home (finishing our fixer upper)
- You (connecting in service to a greater purpose by inspiring and supporting my Sage Parenting clients to raise a heart-full generation)
How does this play out? If my kid needs a hug, I drop everything and sit in that hug until it’s time fully passes. I feel no guilt at all if a phone call has to wait or an appointment is late. This hug, with this child, in this moment, is priority #1. I have total peace with that because I have chosen it.
Cleaning is one of those things that can suck up the entire life of an at-home parent if you let it. But is that your priority? It’s not mine. I really enjoy a clean house, but my priorities are more important to me. I clean the kitchen for 15 minutes each morning while I’m making myself and/or others something for breakfast. That’s it. 15 minutes – no more. The rest of the house gets tidied and cleaned on rotation with the Bucket System.
Is running a priority for you? If so, do it. If not, shut up about it already. Own your choices.
Then I have a set of priorities, or an agenda, for my work. This keeps my focus sharp, my time efficient, and my priorities in line with my professional vision.
- Coaching (return coaching emails)
- Writing (new Sage Homeschooling book and blog posts)
- Social Media (Instagram and Facebook Tribe)
- Podcast (new project – in the tech research phase)
The mainstream parenting style in which children experience premature forced independence and separation and hyper control in top-down power yields children who have no trust in their loved ones, the world around them, or themselves. This paradigm requires an immense amount of scheduling and managing and coercing just to maintain until they reach adolescence and rebel.
For us, the early years of bonding and attentiveness filled their senses of wholeness. The following years of trust and freedom led to independence and competence. This looks like children who don’t need constant herding, who are confident and capable in meeting their everyday needs, and who can respect the two-way nature of a relationship. My children sleep when they’re tired, make themselves something to eat when they’re hungry, and play creatively and resourcefully. They know I’m always here for them but they also don’t need or want me to do everything for them. It’s that sweet spot of connection and freedom that leads to independence, which frees me to have more than one focus.
What is your parenting style? What qualities does it foster? Take the long view with an intuitive approach (I help parents with that through Sage Parenting email coaching.).
I do not buy into the mainstream definition of success. One thing I’ve noticed from people asking me how I do it all is that they have a destination in mind that is mysterious and inherited. I invite you to paint your picture of success with the greatest of intention, based on your priorities. For example, what makes a successful adventure for us? As long as we are sharing an experience (which means connection and learning), there is value. It doesn’t have to mean we were all smiling every second of the adventure or no one got hurt or everything went according to plan or I got amazing pictures. We collect memories of every shape and color with fondness. They all lead to growth.
How do you define success?
I don’t do it all, peacefully and proudly.