SFP 7: Discipline with Tamara Soles


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Today I’m here with my friend Dr. Tamara Soles talking about Discipline on the gentle parenting path.

Tamara is a mom of 4-year-old twins, Evangeline and Sawyer. She is a psychologist and parent coach in Montreal at the Centre she founded called the Secure Child Centre for Families and Children.

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Adventure of the Week

This week we met friends at the roller rink. I was rocking my pig tails and tube socks and it was so much playful fun. We danced like no one was watching, sang like we were in the shower, and everyone left sweaty and happy. Find the nearest roller rink, strap on some wheels, and I dare you not to smile.


Context: I contextualize discipline by walking briefly through the evolution of the definition of the word.

Values: 1. What are your values? 2. What are your long-term intentions (what qualities do you hope your children have in adulthood and what relationship do you hope to have with them)? 3. What are your short-term intentions (what do you hope to invite your children to learn)?

Reward-Punishment Model: We go over what this looks like, the misunderstood logic behind it, what your child is actually learning, and why we choose to step away from it.

Consequences: We clarify the difference between negative-positive, logical, and natural consequences (and why natural and logical is where it’s at).

Connection: We share what it looks like to connect with your child in the challenging moments.

Collaboration: We break down collaboration – why it works and how it plays out.

Expectations: Your expectations are the problem, not your child. We go over this common pitfall and the brain development behind it.

Role Modeling: We discuss how you can harness the power of role modeling for good.

Boundaries: We debunk the myth that gentle parenting and unschooling families have no boundaries by sharing some agreements we have in our families and how they play out for us.

Playfulness: We discuss how playfulness can be a big value add to your discipline toolbox.


We answer the question, “What about danger, like running into the street?,” and explain why the mainstream model actually teaches children not to go into the street when you’re watching, instead of the skills to be safely in the presence of a street.

Dive Deeper

The Secure Child

Sage Parenting

Unconditional Parenting

The Explosive Child

Aha Parenting

No Drama Discipline

Vote for Me

Sage Parenting

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